In the weeks leading up to Christmas my wife and children are always eager to buy the family tree. Finding the perfect tree is not just about the shape and size- there’s more to it than that, yet I do question myself sometimes. My wife is typically the one who decorates our home for any of the holidays and always does a great job of creating an atmosphere enamored with the spirit of the particular holiday we are facing. In the case of Christmas she marvelously brings out the red, white and silver magic that transforms our home into the embodiment of a warm and cozy Vermont  Holiday. The only thing missing is the Christmas tree.

We always make the purchasing of the “Tree” a family outing, and we always choose to visit a tree farm where we are able to cut one down ourselves. The trees stay fresh longer and the experience of personally cutting a tree exudes the simplicity of what Christmas should  mean. The tree farms entice families from near and far  with their promises of chocolates, horse drawn sleighs and warm cider after trekking deep into the valley of trees and finding the “chosen one”. The holiday treats and hot cocoas are often the most attractive part of the adventure for my children. They also know that we traditionally stop at a nearby tavern for our annual pre-holiday dinner, only after having previously secured the tree to the roof of our car.

During the whole process there are moments when it all seems like more of a chore than a pleasure cruise. That’s the  way it is. And in this particular case I embrace the unbalanced nature of the tree hunt. It’s what Dads do………..we are the men of the family after all. There are moments that make us cringe a bit during every family process but in the end its’ all worth it. Without further ado, below is how my family finds the tree.

• Get all four kids into the car and try to make them behave for the 20 minute drive, This is often an impossible task in itself.
• After 5 minutes in the car the kids have already asked, at least 10 times, “if we will set up the tree in our living room that same evening”. I reply “no” each time, “as the tree needs to settle in its stand and defrost a bit in the garage”. None are satisfied with the verdict.
• We arrive at the tree farm and 2 of the 4 kids already state they have to use the bathroom…..”badly”.
• They see the lights and “offerings” from the Christmas cabin awaiting those who have braved the cold and conquered the quest of discovering perfect tree. We tell the kids to kindly be patient.
• We grab a saw for the cutting, and a sled to drag the kids one way and the tree on the way back.
• My wife usually follows me through the paths and tree alleys with the car, often with at least one lazy child staying warm, as I muck through the snow with the sled in tow all while my kids are  asking me to pull them faster. Of course I oblige. Time to be merry right?
• My wife will get out of the car occasionally once we’re deeper in the tree farm to give opinions on the candidates we are considering, always retreating back to the car for warmth as we continue look for the next possibility.
• As darkness grows quickly, we start losing our children in the maze of trees, constantly yelling for them to come back to us and to remind them to cover their heads with hoods so as not to catch pneumonia.
• My wife begins her proclamations of also requiring a restroom, of which there are none available on the tree farm save one porto potty that all have refused to use. I’ve told the boys to relieve themselves outside, but all of the ladies are now anxious to find more suitable arrangements of an acceptable toilet.
• Finally my wife says “just pick a tree and let’s go”. I trek back to the “first” tree we liked and should have cut at the time of the initial sighting. I get under the tree to commence sawing at the base. Of course I gave my gloves to my youngest son earlier for him to stay warm, so I can’t really feel my fingers as I pull and push the saw through the frozen base of our new fur. After 2 rigorous minutes of sawing, our new tree falls beside me, and as frozen as I am, I begin to feel like a Mongolian beast conquering the Tundra during  furious ice storms. Goony f’n goo goo!
• After loading the tree onto our borrowed sled, I look up and realize that my family has left me stranded. As I stand there in the dark solace amidst hundreds of other potential Christmas trees waiting to be chosen, I realize that this is what I’m supposed to do as “Papa”. Moms and Dads try to make moments enjoyable for our families and simultaneously take on the brunt of the shit work when we can. In this case it wasn’t even shit work, it was my part to help make Christmas special for my family- just as my wife did whilst decorating the house by herself with no assistance from the children. Yet when the children came home from school one day to find holiday tidings, they were excited and felt that Christmas had landed. They were able to embrace the magical of it all.
• And so it was with our new tree- I could have fallen and bumped my head only to freeze to death all alone while my family sat on nice warm toilets somewhere. I could have been mauled by  a bear while my wife took her first sip of an awesome draft beer at the nearby tavern.
• Later as we all sit in the tavern, my wife and I enjoy a drink or two and the kids have dinner after which they eventually hit sugar highs from heavy desserts. My middle son decides to tell a joke to the older couple seated next to us.. “What did Darth Vader say to Princess Leia? “Smell my finger….its been in the Dark side”. And now we are moving on to the check…

It was all worth it when I caught glimpses of my children’s faces after they discovered the tree standing in our living room for the first time.  I covered the tree with lights, and once plugged in, the lit tree begged the children to come hang ornaments. They kids lasted about 20 minutes while trimming the  tree, and then began arguing over whose ornament belongs to whom from 3 years ago. After the children retired for evening my wife and I adjusted the tree just so, and the plopped onto the couch tired and exhausted…..and probably no sex for daddy. .