It has recently dawned on me that one day, in the not too distant future, my children will become too old for snuggles and cuddling. My oldest daughter is now 10 and still begs for me to lie with her until she falls asleep. She’s by far the easiest child to sleep with and she’s just as yummy to snuggle up to as the day she was born. Yet I fear that the day will come soon where she either no longer wishes to have me get comfy in that awesome bed of hers, or where snuggling with my daughter becomes a punishable offense. The latter of course has it’s boundaries but I question when that day will come.

My 10 year old daughter happens to be the Einstein of the family which in turn makes it extremely difficult to win an argument, or at the least calls for hiring a lawyer in order to escape said argument somewhat unscathed. Her vocabulary is unparalleled to a point where I continue the conversation as if I know exactly what she has said, but I then sneak off to google the words on my phone. She is however, still my baby and often requires the love and affection any girl her age deserves.  In the evenings she still longs for either my wife or myself to snuggle her before we retreat into the sanctuary of a quiet house and find some time for ourselves to relax. She’s usually the last one awake, fighting the fatigue that has finally sought her out, all in an effort to be close with us. So what happens when she starts getting closer to womanhood? Or at least teenager status? Do we just get cut off from snuggling from one day to the next? Her hair still has that baby smell, and much like Frank Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond) I often cash in on any opportunity to “suck in the youth”.

Will my children remember the days that their Papa snuggled them to sleep, or warmed them up at bedtime on a cold winter’s night? My 6 year old daughter and 8 year old son persistently urge us to snuggle them in the retiring hours of the day. We are still asked to read to them or tell them funny stories of when we were children. Will they remember us sleeping in their beds while clutching the puke bucket in one arm and their feverish, quivering bodies in the other? Will they remember seeking us out in the middle of the night to find comfort from nightmares or the simple longing to be with Mama and Papa?

My almost 14 year son of course requires no snuggles,  and it would frankly be quite awkward if he still did. He’s entering his freshmen year, dealing with puberty and other challenges brought forth by adolescence. Yet I feel sad about it- did I take all the bedtime opportunities I could have when he was little? Did I tell him enough stories? Sing enough songs to put him to sleep? Did I hold him tight enough with reassurance when he tried to sleep with Chicken pox? Did I make sure he always at his cup of water to get him through the night? I feel like I didn’t.

I guess the oldest of siblings are often our best teachers as parents. We realize, through them, that there are “last times” for everything when your children grow. The last butt wiping, the last song they need to fall asleep, the last of running your fingers through their hair as they doze off. The last little kisses on the neck to sooth them as they are coiled against your chest. The last of covering their cold feet with your warm legs. The last time you fall asleep in their beds.

As much as I take pride in my children’s growth and progress, I can’t help but wish to turn back time. And they’re still young. Will that wish haunt me forever with even stronger remiss?

I can tell you one thing-  when it comes time for my youngest child’s “last” snuggles, they will have to fucking rip me away- even if it means  getting arrested for snuggling.