All is well in paradise;

I am awakened by tiny little kisses from my youngest daughter. She’s five years old and still owns an innocent, soft, loving demeanor. She seems temporarily possessed by snake-like moves until she’s inched her back right up into my chest and my chin lays just above her disheveled french braid. Just then I notice that it isn’t my wife behind me but instead its my 9 year old daughter who has smuggled her way right up against my back. The girls inform me that the boys are heavily consumed with Lego construction and that Mama has gone to get us coffee from Dunkin Doughnuts. After about ten minutes of snuggling my “ladies” get restless and move on to the next phase of their morning, consisting of getting dressed and tidying up their room in hopes of a reward paid in Chocolate frosted doughnuts. I roll myself out of bed and walk towards the kitchen to make myself a protein shake. Just then I can hear the boys engaging in their multicolored architecture and getting along famously. I’m simply pleased in the fact that my children are, well…….. my children. Mama returns with coffee and Doughnuts in hand to the pleasure of everyone, and a few minutes of silence or shall I say silent munching, dictates the peaceful vibe.

And whilst we’re all riding on the “happy family rainbow”,  I suggest for all of us to hop in the car and go for a ride. When I’m asked whereto, I say “anywhere”. My answer suffices and we all throw on the first pair of shoes, sneakers or sandals we see and board the family vehicle. The ensuing moments take on a different direction than I hoped for, as in less than one minute down the road I hear the following blurts:

“You’re a butt hole”

“shut up idiot”

“Mom! He’s breathing on me”

“Leave each other alone and look out the window!”

“She’s doing it again”

“no I’m not jerk”

“whatever ugly”

“I’m not ugly but you’re a friggin tart”

“ok whatever shim”

“Papa, the boys are calling me shim!”

“She just threw her gum at me!”

etc etc etc …………

My wife turns up the music in an attempt to drown out the cries of our very own litter of Raptors, and I whisper to myself, “ahhh yes….. All is well in Paradise“.

I may have to declare a boycott on Schweppes Ginger Ale.

Yesterday morning I arose early to get a head start with my children in order to have them ready for school, and give my wife an opportunity to sleep in a while longer. When she awoke to find that the kids were dressed, lunches were made and the girls even had their hair brushed with finely tuned ponytails, she gave me kisses and offered me a look as though it was going to be a great day. Obviously I began thinking about how I needed to maintain the current level of affection throughout the day so that we’d possibly have a great evening together. I automatically began scheming- come home early, help with laundry and also put the kids to bed early in order to allow us for some alone time. In any case I put the kids on the bus and headed to work.

My day;  I worked my butt off to get everything done and achieve the best results possible to leave early before the “bell”, knowing that all might be marvelous in the world tonight. The planets were aligning.

My wife’s day; Cleaned the house, put the kids’ crap away, went to the gym and a job interview, raced the kids around to soccer practices after school, prepped dinner and continued with other crappy household duties. No eclipse here.

When I left the office I sent my wife a text asking if she needed anything, and she requested a Ginger Ale…..She loves her nightly Schweppes Ginger Ale. “Of course”, I texted her back, remaining fully obliged for you know what and hurried along. I arrived home, and as I exited the car I could already hear the kids screaming and acting nutty followed by my wife’s loud reprimands. “Ok”, I had said to myself, this is not going to be a “you know what blocker”.  As I stepped through the kitchen door I could already see that she was flustered, but not to a point of no return. “Stay the course” I had told myself. Then she had asked “where’s my Ginger Ale honey?!”. “Ohhhh Shit!!” I cursed to myself and before officially answering she’d already observed that I had forgotten to pick one up. “I asked for one little thing and you…….” she blurted on. Yep, it was safe to say I had doomed myself in a fit of rushing to get home for some lovin’. That was the icing on the cake for a hectic day in the life of my wife. Now once again it was safe to say, “no sex for Daddy”, and I feel like killing Mr. Schweppes…